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a list i found, some very nice ideas

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stolen from "but you dont look sick" group on facebook.

a girl fround this on a chrurch sheet and alterd to this, and other chronicaly sick people added some.


"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." —Lois Wyse

1. Ask, "What events in your life are changing and how are you coping with the changes?"
2. Understand that she lives in a constant state of making decisions for which there is no guarantee that she is making the right choice.
3. Put meals in disposable containers and attach a note saying "This doesn't need to be returned."
4. Add stickers to envelopes for a cheerful touch.
5. Don't make a person into a project.
6. Ask, "Would you be willing to talk to a friend of mine who has recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness and offer her some encouragement?" It makes one feel good to know that her experience can offer someone else hope or understanding.
7. Wash his car and put a little note inside for him to find later.
8.Remember important anniversaries, both the good and the bad. No one else might.
9. Ask, "Do you want company the day that you wait for the test results? I could come over for a couple of hours."
10. "No matter how little you have, you can always give some of it away." ~Catherine Marshall. Just listen . . . Until it hurts to not say anything. And then listen some more.
11. Ask, "What do you wish people understood about your illness?"
12. Don't make her feel guilty about things that she cannot do.
13. Treat her to a gift of movie rentals via postal mail through a service
14. Ask, "Would you be comfortable with having your name on a prayer list, so that others can pray for you?" Don't assume.
15. Mop the floors.
16. Buy a brightly colored umbrella as a gift.
17. Ask, "Do you have an errand I can run for you before coming over?"
18. Ask her to do spontaneous things, like go to a concert in the park, or just for a picnic. She may be more likely to participate since she knows if it's a good day or a bad day.
19. Don't say, "So, why aren't you better yet?"
20. For a unique gift, provide brightly colored paper plates, napkins, and utensils in a gift bag with a note that says "For when you don't feel like doing dishes."
21.Send her little notes of encouragement and have other friends do the same.
22. Get her a pretty box to keep all of her notes of encouragement. Remind her to get it out and read things when she is feeling down.
23. Be her advocate. If you are at an event and walking/seating is an issue because of her disability, ask her if she'd like you to take care of it. If she says you can, be firm but not rude. Don't embarrass her by making accusations of discrimination or by making a scene.
24. Say, "While you're in the hospital I'd be happy to take care of your pet."
25. Don't tell her about your brother's niece's cousin's best friend who tried a cure for the same illness and. . . (you know the rest).
26. Find out which charity is most important to her and then give a donation in her honor.
27. Ask, "What are your top three indulgences?" and then spoil her soon.
28. Hold the door open for her. They are heavy!
29. Don't tease her and call her "hop along" or "slowpoke." Comments you mean in fun can cut to the quick and destroy her spirit.
30. Say, "I know you must need someone to just vent to occasionally. I may not fully understand how you feel, but I'm here to listen anytime."
31. Ask your friends to come over and clean up the yard during seasonal changes.
32. Don't ask her, "How are you able to make it financially?" If she wants to share a burden she will.
33. Ask, "What would you advise me to look for in a new doctor?"
34. If your friend has a disabled parking placard and you are driving, allow her to tell you where she wants to park. If she's feeling particularly good that day, she may not want to park in the "blue space." Don't be disappointed that you'll have to walk farther.
35. Be kind, gentle, and respectful.
36. Accept that her chronic illness may not go away. If she's accepting it, don't tell her the illness is winning and she's giving in to it.
37. Don't say, "Let me know if there is anything I can do." People rarely feel comfortable saying, "Yes, my laundry." Instead pick something you are willing to do and then ask her permission.
38. Buy a magazine subscription for her on her favorite topic.
39. Plant a rosebush to view from a window.
40. Understand that you don't need to know all of the details about the illness in order to be helpful. He'll share with you what he's comfortable with you knowing.
41. Don't ask, "Why can't the doctors help you?" or insinuate that it must be in her head. There are millions of people who are in pain with illnesses that do not have cures.
42. Avoid having gifts be "pity gifts." Just say, "I saw these flowers and their cheerfulness reminded me of you."
43. If she doesn't have a cordless phone, get her one. Phone headsets are also nice.
44. If you know your friend has to cut a food out of thier diet, make an effort to make something new that they can eat, or buy a recipie book geared to that type of cooking (thinking of celiacs here)
45. if someone is not eating please don't assume they aren't trying, or that they have an eating disorder
46. call and talk about silly things, you don't always have to say "how are you?" or "Are you feeling better today?"
I'll have more but that's all for now.
47. (I think that is the right number) Don't say have you taken some advil or tylenol.
48. Don't get angry if they cancel plans, sometimes the pain is just to unbearable.
49.buy someone a gift card to their favorite restaurant or grocery or health food store



if you have any more ideas or points, things that work for your friend/partner, list it.

Current Mood:
sore in pain
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